Our Ray of Light.

Hello world.

Meet Adalyn Grace Brown. 

Born May 2, 2015. 7lbs and 8oz. She is our miracle in absolutely every way.

When I was about 24 weeks pregnant, we began finding out the problems that our little girl may face. Though....I won't expound on all of that. To read from the beginning, you can click this post .

We were told that because of her little brain, there were many unknowns about her birth. They weren't sure if she would be born breathing.....or if she was....would she have the ability to remember to breath on her own? Would she be able to have the ability to eat or keep down her food?

Miracle #1
As soon as Adalyn was born....all I could think was "Breathe! Is she breathing?!" Then I heard her little wail and wanted to burst into tears. Squeezing David's had, we both knew God was in charge....angels were present. 

She was immediately taken and handed through a window to the NICU. As the minutes ticked by, I grew more and more anxious.

 Miracle #2 
The NICU doctor came in smiling. Adalyn was holding her own! She is a fighter, and was stable. David was able to go back with her.

Miracle #3 
She was sucking a binkie right off. Despite her little cleft palate....she was rooting and sucking! A reflex they weren't sure she would have. Her APGAR scores were normal.

I couldn't see her for a little over an hour after she was born. I felt so anxious! When they finally wheeled me back....my heart was bursting. Seeing David hold our little girl.....who was alive...who was doing great...I didn't know it was possible to love so greatly in one instant.

In that moment, I had such comfort. In that moment, we were all three strong. 

Miracle #4
Our little Adalyn was able to keep her food down. They had put her on a feeding tube, but all was going great. Soon she was moved to the most stable section of the NICU.

Miracle #5
Adalyn was born on a Saturday. Little did we know how much we would need that peaceful weekend with her to prepare us for the upcoming days filled with doctors, tests, and more emotions than I could process.

Monday is when the whirlwind began. Neurology had their MRI. X-rays were taken. Blood work done. And a new IV had to be placed since her first one didn't last very long. (They had placed her on precautionary antibiotics since I was in labor for so long).

Watching them take her for the MRI was hard. At the time though....David and I felt hopeful. We were certain her scans would look better. After all...she was doing so good!

Taking her for the MRI to the other hospital

Soon after....the neurologist wanted to meet with us to go over her scan. I think I was incredibly unprepared. Like putting on a swimsuit expecting sunshine.. and walking out into a giant blizzard. The neurologist began....aside from her brainstem....pretty much every aspect of her little brain is affected in some way. Much more global than we ever imagined. Outcomes....life expectancy....problems that could arise. I suddenly felt like I was drowning. I was trying not to fall apart. Trying to some how keep my voice from wavering. It felt like the only thing keeping me a float was David's hand. It was single handed the hardest moment of my life. I felt like my heart was shattering...and the pieces flying all over. 

David and I went into a room and held each other and sobbed. Our hearts ached so deeply. For a while,.. there were no words that would come out. Just tears. How could we ever face this? Our little girl is so  perfect. So beautiful.

That evening, I was also discharged from the hospital. We were leaving without our baby. Trying to process an ounce of our day was too hard.

Through those days, were carried by strength other than our own. Holding our sweet little Adalyn, we were stronger. She is our inspiration. She is the biggest and most stable baby in the NICU. She takes feedings like a champ...Not to mention, she is working on bottle feeds. She continues to defy predictions daily.

Miracle #6
Throughout the week, we made it by seeing so many tender mercies. David had to go back to Vegas to finish classes. Seeing him leave was hard. I wanted to somehow just send a clone of him down there so he could stay with me. I was afraid of facing the rest of the week without him. It was hard, because I wanted to be selfish and keep him with me. But it was even harder knowing the burdens and stresses he felt on his shoulders.... Leaving me and Adalyn at the hospital, driving so far, school, graduating...the unknown that lies ahead.

Lucky for me....I was so blessed while he was gone. Through many prayers, amazing family support and a sister who was like a super hero...keeping track of me...what I needed...making sure I ate and took my medicine...being there to laugh and cry with me.

The rest of the week has been a blur. I have felt moments of pure happiness. I have felt overwhelmed with gratitude. I have felt so humbled.

I love this hairy little back!

After seemingly a zillion other doctor visits....we had more news to process.

Miracle #7
Adalyn has vision in her right eye. She may have some in her left, but the eye is too small to open currently.

Miracle #8
Adalyn had been on an IV since she was born since I had been in labor for so long....they wanted to do a 7 day course just for precautions. However, they struggled each time with the IV. She was poked so many times! They even tried to do a pic line twice and failed. By the fourth day....they were grasping at straws trying to find a place to poke her. Right as the nurse came to do an IV...one of the doctors came to say that she didn't need the rest of the course...meaning no more IV!

This is her "I hate IV's!" face

With David in Vegas,,.,,the days seemed much longer. So many doctor visits. Times of feeling like a terrible new mom. And times I felt my strength draining.

One particular day...genetics came to talk to me. They had a syndrome in mind....but they weren't really sure. It doesn't quite fit Adalyn...but they can't find anything else. There is no specific test for it...so they can't be sure....and it is a spontaneous thing. Again....the doctor went over life expentancy..future predictions...on and on. Yet also reminding me that it has just as high of a likelihood of being this syndrome as it does of not being this syndrome. (So you told me all of this because..? Was sort of how I felt)

Again that evening on the phone with David...I cried. I just wanted to take our little girl home! Away from beeping monitors....wires....doctors...all of it. Never in  a million years would we have wanted her to endure such hard things. 

Yet now, as I sit here and write this....I am reminded that God is in charge. This has been the longest....hardest...week and a half of our lives. However...David and I have decided that is Adalyn was brave enough to come here knowing the challenges she may face...then we could be brave enough to be her parents. 

Having David back for the weekend was like getting re-charged with hope. Together...and through the Christ....we can keep moving forward. Adalyn loves her daddy so much! She falls asleep in an instant in his arms....and loves to hear him sing. We has also decided that Adalyn is her own kind of special. We feel so strongly that she is here for a beautiful purpose. We don't know what the future will bring, but we will hold to hope.

And as one woman said to me this week hope goes farther. 

We will learn and grow as she does. Even with her many anomalies...the doctors and nurses are so impressed with little Adalyn. She has already exceeded so many expectations! Once we get her feedings in a good place, either completely on the bottle or at least half....we will be able to take her home. I already long for that day! One day in the NICU feels like a hundred.

Despite the challenges this past week has brought...there have been moments of beauty and humor.

Like how frequently Adalyn explosively poops right in the middle of changing her diaper. Or the quiet moments of singing her to sleep. The exciting moments of being so proud when she accomplishes something (like drinking from the bottle). The beautiful moments of her staring right at us....and feeling like she is looking right into our soul!

Becoming a parent is still surreal. We continually pray for Adalyn. That she can be strengthened. That she can have the best life we can offer her...That she can continue to be our little miracle.....And that David and I can be strong enough to make the right decisions.

Our lives are changed for the better because of her. We are so blessed to be her parents! Even though it has been hard....even though our hearts have been pulled in more ways then I could have ever imagined...even though at times we are scared for the future....We know that love is greater. Love is powerful. And we wouldn't trade that love for anything in the world.


We have seen more miracles and tender mercies this past week than I could ever count. I listed only a few here. Prayer is powerful. God is in the details of our lives. We have to take each day as it comes for now,,,,the good and the bad.

It is hard. Really hard. I never thought that I could have so many tears readily at hand, So many aspects of our lives are changing.

In these moments...I remind myself of a scripture David read to me....

2 Timothy 1:7
 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

And part of this talk from Elder Whitney Clayton

All of us will, at some time or another, have to traverse our own spiritual wilderness and undertake our own rugged emotional journeys. In those moments, however dark or seemingly hopeless they may be, if we search for it, there will always be a spiritual light that beckons to us, giving us the hope of rescue and relief. That light shines from the Savior of all mankind, who is the Light of the World.

Thank you for so many prayers on our behalf. I apologize for those who have reached out through text....phone...or messages. We have been rather terrible at having our phones. 

Most of all we are blessed. Blessed to have our little Adalyn Grace. The brightest light in our lives. She is beautiful in every way..