Lifted.

My heart is so full. 

I'm 8 months pregnant....and healthy. 

We have felt the prayers of so many people on our behalf and for our little girl. I wish I could adequately express how thankful I am for the support of so many people. Between the cards, little notes, baby showers, texts and phone calls....I don't even know where to begin to express my gratitude.

Trials come in all shapes and sizes. And I have come to realize how grateful I am for our situation. (Thankful for a trial? I know....I must be crazy...). But we have felt such an outpouring of love...and we have come to love our little girl even more as a result.

After this week, we begin to jump into the sea of unknown that awaits us.  It is crazy to think that within the next two months....all of our questions...all of the unknown we are facing....will have an answer. David finishes his last rotation here...and then we will head to Salt Lake for the last month of our pregnancy to be closer to the doctors working with us. During this time, David will continue interviewing for potential jobs.....preparing to take his board exams....and preparing to graduate.

We know the outcome of our little girl's life is uncertain. We know this could possibly be a long road for her. However....the past few weeks especially....David and I have felt a powerful sense of hope. 

I know some people are afraid of us getting our hopes up too high....afraid that we will be disappointed or heartbroken....

But I have come to realize something. That doesn't matter. What matters is where David and I stand.

Christ's miracles are real. Both David and I have seen far too many in our lives to doubt that. In fact, David's whole life is a miracle....that he is here and healthy and graduating with his doctorate. 

I am sure that when Christ said He could heal the blind.....cause the deaf to see.....or the lame to walk..there were plenty of people who thought it couldn't be done. Not because they were bad or because they didn't want those things to happen....but because it seemed far to great. Impossible even.

Regardless of doubt....He did perform each of those miracles. And because He is the same yesterday, today and forever....I have no doubt that He can perform a miracle for our little girl.

Because He already has. Being pregnant....feeling her move....seeing her (and myself!) grow....is a miracle. Our little girl has a purpose, we know that beyond a shadow of doubt. As her parents.....we will continue to believe in her with our entire hearts.  I am learning more every day what that truly means.

We will also continue to believe that we will be guided to where we need to be. That David will get a job that will be the perfect fit for our family. That he will be able to do all that is required of him the next month and a half.

We will continue to wait in faith. Knowing that we are carried, and lifted. 

So....to all of you who have been there for us...

To our family....who have let us pour out all of our emotions, housed us, fed us, supported us, or laughed with us. To our friends.....who have showed us such unbiased love and kindness. To our ward families, both old and current.....who have kept track of us.....and kept us afloat with their words of support. To both of our bosses.....who have put up with the roller coaster of our emotions....and have continued to believe in us.....To those who have stumbled across our blog and sent words of comfort...

I thank you. I thank you with everything in my heart. You may never read this.... But it is because of each of you that we have also been continually lifted. You may never know the impact your sweet words, prayers and actions have had on us.

Please continue it. It is powerful. And we have needed it. Never underestimate the power of your prayers for others. Prayer never falls on empty ears. There is One who hears and strengthens. 

This video is incredibly powerful! If you have ever had a moment...small or great of struggle..watch this. It is beautiful. 

It was so much fun taking these. Thanks to the lovely Shauna Brown for taking our photos. And for feeding us. And housing us....

The list could go on and on! 

I am one lucky girl!

Remember how we think we're funny? David's face kills me....with that much excitement....our little girl couldn't be loved more!

The best thing about this next month will be in seeing David be a daddy. He will be the worlds best. Hands down. He already does so much for us!

Learning Trust.

Pregnancy for me has been a beautiful thing....but it has also been hard.

In almost every aspect....emotionally, physically and spiritually. The past week was one of those hard weeks.

It all started around last Saturday night. It was about my second sleepless night in a row. At about 3 am...staring at the clock....trying to get comfortable for the zillionth time...I lost it. I cried and cried. In my frustration....I started praying. All I kept thinking was.... "Heavenly Father....how is this fair? I am trying so hard to have faith.....to be what you want me to be.......but everything seems so hard.... here we are facing the unknown in almost every aspect of our lives and now I can't even seem to sleep. I am exhausted....this is too much for me. This is too hard for me to do. Where are you?? Can you see that I am struggling here??"

Sometime in the wee hours of the dawn,  I finally fell asleep. The next morning...as I was getting ready for church...I still felt those feelings of frustration. I was feeling....in some ways...alone.

This is where one of those "WHAM" moments comes in. As I sat in the last hour of church....the woman began giving her lesson on Jesus Christ. She talked about Him....His attributes. How He came into this world having a foreknowledge of what He was to do. She talked about how willing He was to take upon Himself the pains, suffering and sins of this world.

She did this in making a specific point. We first have to remember the significance of Christ...which leads to our firm testimony of Him.

Which leads to having faith.....understanding that He has power over all things.... and trusting Him with our whole heart.

There it was my friends. The big "T" word. Trust. There was my problem. Up until that moment...I didn't realize I was struggling with it. I thought I had complete trust in my Savior...but I realized part of me was afraid of trusting Him completely.

I had kept some of the deepest parts of my heart....my fears and desires....and hopes for our little girl and our future locked away. I guess a part of me felt that putting my whole trust in someone else was far too scary. What if that trust lead to my heart breaking?

I had to realize that what David and I are facing, we have no control over. We have to have our complete trust in our Heavenly Father to know He will guide our hearts and our situation. Most of all...we have to trust in His will for us. In this trust....we can find the courage, hope and optimism to keep moving forward. Even if it still seems scary or overwhelming.

My learning this past week didn't stop there.

As the week rolled on....I caught a nasty cold. Which further lead to more sleepless nights. Which again...lead to another 3 am crying spell. This time....my flustered tears woke up David.

I was frustrated. Again. I was exhausted. Again. Uncomfortable. Again. And to top it off...my nose was running like a faucet. My throat was on fire. And I my legs felt like they needed to be stretched out by a steam roller. (Sorry folks....I'm not writing this for you to feel sorry for me...promise).

David is my hero. For so many reasons. That night....was yet another of many nights he has saved me. He rubbed my back and tried to comfort me. He gave me an incredibly beautiful blessing for me and our little girl. But in my stubbornness, I was still holding to that frustration.

After a little while, David had gone quite...and I assumed he had fallen back asleep. Slightly jealous, I stumbled in the dark to go try laying on the couch. That's when I saw David....not in bed....but kneeling and praying. Praying for me. Praying with his whole heart.

WHAM.

Again....I realized....I still wasn't letting go of my trust issue. Yet....watching David... I knew he had. David had that complete trust in our Savior to help me get through these difficult moments. And he loved me enough to sacrifice his own sleep to pray for me unceasingly.

That night, I was finally able to find peace in falling asleep. There have still been sleepless nights since....and my cold and I are still booger-y companions....but through my husband....and some divine intervention from our Heavenly Father....I have come to realize something.

This life isn't always fair. It knocks us down. We stumble. Our hearts can get pulled with sorrow or grief. However, because of Christ's sacrifice for us, the struggles of this life are not forever. In the end, He promises deliverance. He promises that all will be made fair and beautiful if we trust in Him.

Sometimes, He doesn't immediately take our burdens or trials away. But He will ease them. He will be there through every moment. Even if you, like me, can't see or become frustrated. He understands the pains of an aching heart.

The past few months, as David and I have walked this path of becoming parents....in learning of the struggles that we, and our little girl may face.....I have been humbled more times then I can count. I have also felt my heart grow with love in ways that I cannot even describe. I have an even greater love for my husband...who in every moment....walks in faith..and tries so hard to do everything he can to make me happy...comforted..and loved.  Even if that has meant listening to my complaints and giving me endless back-rubs. I have found such a love for our little girl...who...without even meeting her yet...has touched so many lives. We know she is special. She is pure and beautiful and alive. She has brought us closer to our Savior.

So...most of all....I found...it's okay to let it go. To give those deep emotions of my heart over to someone even greater.

And now? Well. I am still learning. I am continuing to believe. I am continuing to love.

Only about a month and a half left until our little girl arrives!